Life is too complex

You are too complex

Cathy always gets confused

 

Maybe i m just a shallow person

cannot wait for the eternal spiritual friends

 

Life is piled up by little little things

friends are proved by time

fun time or boredom

only the feeling of being always around makes you look reliable

makes friendship everlasting

 

famous? successful?

do we need to adore people so much if we only know them by name?

how can we know someone by heart

how can you convince you heart the reliability

 

you cared, you remembered

maybe you are also wondering

but distance appeared

and is not narrowing

 

I dont wanna think

when i cannot change the situation

I would just wait

 

May God have mercy on us

courage, patience, forgiveness, faith, love

 

 

 

 

如果我们不再相爱我会找一个雨天安静地离开让那无言的雨水心情泛滥在你的窗外仿佛是你为我哭了起来仿佛我们依然彼此期待离开你在我最寂寞的时候如果所有誓言已走到尽头让我在记忆中永远保留你的温柔什么话都不说就让悲伤跟着我如果我们不再相爱祝福你有一个美好的未来哦不要再提起我们曾经付出的关怀如果我们真的不再相爱如果我们不再相爱我会在夜里留下珍重的告白当你的美梦正甜把思念吻在你的唇边仿佛我们依然彼此期待离开你在我最寂寞的时候如果所有誓言已走到尽头让我在记忆中永远保留你的温柔什么话都不要说就让悲伤跟着我如果我们不再相爱祝福你拥有一个美好的未来哦不要再提起我们曾经付出的关怀如果我们真的不再相爱哦忘了吧那些我们最初真志的情怀

这不是偶然也不是祝愿这是上天对重逢的安排不相信眼泪不相信改变可是坚信彼此的情愿我依然如何如何回到你的心田我应该怎样怎样才能走进你的梦我想呀想盼呀盼盼望回到我们的初恋我望呀望看呀看再次重逢你的笑脸那一夜你没有拒绝我那一夜我伤害了你那一夜你满眼泪水那一夜你为我喝醉那一夜我与你分手那一夜我伤害了你那一夜我举起酒杯那一夜我心儿已碎这不是偶然也不是祝愿这是上天对重逢的安排不相信眼泪不相信改变可是坚信彼此的情愿我想呀想盼呀盼盼望回到我们的初恋我望呀望看呀看再次重逢你的笑脸那一夜你没有拒绝我那一夜我伤害了你那一夜你满脸泪水那一夜我与你分手那一夜我伤害了你那一夜我举起酒杯那一夜我不堪回味

每一段感情的开始都以为这一次就会是永远都会以为伤害已经到了尽头只是到头来失去的只有自己的心

the most stupid thing i ever done is to meet you

 

when you dont know when, where, under what circustances to do what,

then whatever you do is wrong

so i am the one always wrong

 

is it my fault that ppl left me behind and move on?

maybe it's the best for them, 

but maybe it's also for both sides

instead of wasting time, waiting for an impposible ending, why not just saying goodbye

 

when you feel disappointed how do u know u r not perform disappointingly?

when you call others mean fucken person, how do u know u r not such person in the other's mind?

so on , so fore

 

everything is matual except the fact

you may fall in love with someone who never loves you back

 

that's my karma

 

so why keep wasting each other's time

 

maybe my existance is a mistake

but you hv to right to tell me

maybe i m not good as a friend, as a lover, even as a human

buti dont need you to tell me

maybe i am just a disaster for others

whatever, it's not your business

 

i am here just because who i am

 

so, if you just wanna blame me, torture me, piss me off

sorry, you find the wrong one

 

there is only one person who can hurt me, that is myself

 

so i being frank, appear weak in front of you, i keep silent, i get hurt,

not because you so powerful, so right,

not because i expect to hurt me back with my pain

only because i care, the wrong person

 

so dont cross the line, dont try to hurt me

you r here only because i care, care the one ever tried to be nice

but if you turn out to be the opposite

you are nothing

 

let the sky collapes

let the rain falls

let the thunder sounds

and let it hit me

that's the only punishement i will look for

 

so stop quizing me with human games

I m so sick of it

 

 

P.S i guess jus like the mutual facts, what is here prob what's also in your mind. nothing will be alright, and before it's alright, i'm already so tired

there are always goals/expectations that people work for

never say "I dont", that's because u just haven't realized.

 

for friends, people always expect forever lasting true

while how many of you, how many times work on how it will work

it is a spiritual thing, while not only that, psychology is also a science

because humans all share the same basic emotions and feelings within certain groups

 

there were several porcupines plan to spend winter together

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

what if i can only live for some limited time, how would you live your life

"eat, and drink, as tomorrow we may die"

 

Life is not always that good as it appears

people who loves smile may also bear deap sorrow inside

 

You tell me to be more patient,

while what here am I waiting for

I am the one who take responsibility for myself

as you are the one who solely responsible for you

 

it's just not how things works

damn tired today. didnt sleep well last night, too much things top of mind, and also a bit nervous about today's test

Thanks God, instructor's, Patrick's and my effort, finally all finished, and I have time to start doing some new things.:) Happy

 

the earthquake still on 7 News, more and more Chinese r still dying, I feel really sad and guilty since i wasnt in motherland when she s suffering. Mum said they may adopt 2 orphants, dont know they r kidding or serious, but it's not a bad idea.

 

Jesus Christ, plz hear our prey and help our ppl out of the disaster, out of the suffering. I know we are all sinners, we prey for your forgiveness and prey for your love.

 

for me, need to work on new things, dont wanna waste time anymore, thanks God for the great love showed and plz help me while i m moving forward.

 

Amen

 

 

All collapse in a sudden. A lot of people have gone, left myself feeling so isolated.

 

J was kidding "you dont have any friend" -- maybe he is right, even i die in my little room one day, nobody will even notice.

 

I was so grateful to have P as my friend, because whenever others put themselves first, that one will think for me first. It's not easy, so it deserve to be treated specially. While, it went wrong, when that person say somehow being used. Because I m too weak? Because I m always the one need help? Thus i lost the first one.

 

I wrote a letter to J telling my true feelings. Sometimes even people know it's stupid but they will still do it, that stupid one is me. If I have a little sense of being practical and pretending, i wont screw so many things up. The door to heaven will never shut, while the door between people are not easily open;  I guess I once had the door opened for me, but I took it for granted and missed it, when I finally recognized, everything was too late and can not restart. Everytime i think i m getting closer would be followed by a further apart. The moment i argued with him I was so sad because the one "supposed" to be a good friend "seems not" and I was so empty; The moment i wrote that letter i was so peaceful because i already lost everything, what's the point for more struggling, are there anything worse than this?  

 

Have I lost C? this one I dont even have a clue, just suddenly lost contact, like the person has been evaculated from the earth, disappeared.

 

I guess maybe I think about myself too much.

 

God loves us, so he s willing to listen our problems, share it and support us. And he likes us need him.

 

If I love you, shall I keep a distance from you since the only thing i can give is trouble, so you can probably have a more peaceful and happier life? or shall I try to do everything to keep you with me, since that's the origional meaning of everything.

 

Love will tear us apart--it's hard to say why, humans are interesting, they are so greedy for good things, always wanna more and more, always wanna better and better.

 

Watched the new movie "my blueberry night", like the word "the best way to kill your addiction is to keep yourself busy" so she does two jobs, keeping herself have no time to think about past.

 

The only time i can find peace is when i m in church when I can feel the greatest love, the love doesnt expect you anything, the one will forever last, the love makes Jusus die for all of us some who he doesnt even know. I think i m sick, and home sick, on earth, the only pure and eternal love is from parents, this time i m so longing for home

 

 

didnt update my space for long time, first it was too busy, and later lost the habit to write:P lazy me

 

today went to a cherry farm somewhere around Dandenong, feed parrots first, it's a little bit scary, coz there was an old lady got bite and was bleeding:( lucky me, got suggestion from Vickie, only feed the smaller ones:P 

 

later ate a lot cherries in the farm, with my good little company, Jason's son-Jalen, lovely kid:)

是否大脑一片空白，只有紧绷的神经还在作无力的苟延残喘，是否根本忘了爱的目的，承受着荒诞无趣的折磨。为什么要去爱，为什么要去梦，毫无舒畅的快感可言，只有一连串的疑问和不安，你仍在继续梦境吗？爱情被无聊的是非和没有理由的责问包围，表面上即使风平浪静，你的内心也早有出逃之意，你无法掌握目前的状况，如同你根本不知道在做一个什么样的梦。这种有苦难言的梦，不做也罢。

昨天本来已经睡得晚了

结果又恶梦连连

那一瞬间一直在脑中上演

郁闷ING....

 

其实看一个男生好不好,

要注意很细节的地方

其中的代表人物(我认识的)

哈哈

STEVEN, PATRICK,

就连我以前那个坏老头老板MICHAEL在这方面做得也不错

就是

送你回家的时候会看到你安全进了门才会离去

 

Gods, I didn't do anything wrong, 

Plz dun bring me black angel anymore~~~~

哈哈，今天下午和西瓜，西瓜妈，还有ZZ去MELBOURNE SHOW玩

虽然去的路上经过一些波折

在那里还是很刺激的

 

CRAZY CRAZY DAY~~~

今天MEL的天气变了又变

我们经历的NOT ONLY FOUR SEASON

可能是三个，四个四季

还去玩了云宵飞车

上去之前是兴奋得要死

在上面的时候是吓得要死

到最后连尖叫的力气都没有了

只记得腿在那边一直抖啊抖啊

哈哈

下来的时候竟然妆还花了好丢人

ANYWAY，又没人认识我，自己开心就好了

 

感谢ZZ同学和我一起玩LUCKY POCKER

还把赢的熊让给我

哈哈，开心ING~~~

 

 

 

 

立志要做开心的自己

不要活在过去

不要太在乎别人的想法

不要再计较失去了什么

只向看明天会有什么

 

 

 

从前，有一座圆音寺，每天都有许多人上香拜佛，香火很旺。在圆音寺庙前的横梁上有个蜘蛛结了张网，由于每天都受到香火和虔诚的祭拜的熏托，蛛蛛便有了佛性。经过了一千多年的修炼，蛛蛛佛性增加了不少。   
     忽然有一天，佛主光临了圆音寺，看见这里香火甚旺，十分高兴。离开寺庙的时候，不轻易间地抬头，看见了横梁上的蛛蛛。佛主停下来，问这只蜘蛛：“你我相见总算是有缘，我来问你个问题，看你修炼了这一千多年来，有什么真知拙见。怎么样？”蜘蛛遇见佛主很是高兴，连忙答应了。佛主问到：“世间什么才是最珍贵的？”蜘蛛想了想，回答到：“世间最珍贵的是‘得不到’和‘已失去’。”佛主点了点头，离开了。   
    就这样又过了一千年的光景，蜘蛛依旧在圆音寺的横梁上修炼，它的佛性大增。一日，佛主又来到寺前，对蜘蛛说道：“你可还好，一千年前的那个问题，你可有什么更深的认识吗？”蜘蛛说：“我觉得世间最珍贵的是‘得不到’和‘已失去’。”佛主说：“你再好好想想，我会再来找你的。”   
    又过了一千年，有一天，刮起了大风，风将一滴甘露吹到了蜘蛛网上。蜘蛛望着甘露，见它晶莹透亮，很漂亮，顿生喜爱之意。蜘蛛每天看着甘露很开心，它觉得这是三千年来最开心的几天。突然，   
     又刮起了一阵大风，将甘露吹走了。蜘蛛一下子觉得失去了什么，感到很寂寞和难过。这时佛主又来了，问蜘蛛：“蜘蛛这一千年，你可好好想过这个问题：世间什么才是最珍贵的？”蜘蛛想到了甘露，对佛主说：“世间最珍贵的是‘得不到’和‘已失去’。”佛主说：“好，既然你有这样的认识，我让你到人间走一朝吧。”    

    就这样，蜘蛛投胎到了一个官宦家庭，成了一个富家小姐，父母为她取了个名字叫蛛儿。一晃，蛛儿到了十六岁了，已经成了个婀娜多姿的少女，长的十分漂亮，楚楚动人。   
    这一日，新科状元郎甘鹿中士，皇帝决定在后花园为他举行庆功宴席。来了许多妙龄少女，包括蛛儿，还有皇帝的小公主长风公主。状元郎在席间表演诗词歌赋，大献才艺，在场的少女无一不被他折倒。但蛛儿一点也不紧张和吃醋，因为她知道，这是佛主赐予她的姻缘。   
     过了些日子，说来很巧，蛛儿陪同母亲上香拜佛的时候，正好甘鹿也陪同母亲而来。上完香拜过佛，二位长者在一边说上了话。蛛儿和甘鹿便来到走廊上聊天，蛛儿很开心，终于可以和喜欢的人在一起了，但是甘鹿并没有表现出对她的喜爱。蛛儿对甘鹿说：“你难道不曾记得十六年前，圆音寺的蜘蛛网上的事情了吗？”甘鹿很诧异，说：“蛛儿姑娘，你漂亮，也很讨人喜欢，但你想象力未免丰富了一点吧。”说罢，和母亲离开了。   
    蛛儿回到家，心想，佛主既然安排了这场姻缘，为何不让他记得那件事，甘鹿为何对我没有一点的感觉？   
  　几天后，皇帝下召，命新科状元甘鹿和长风公主完婚；蛛儿和太子芝草完婚。这一消息对蛛儿如同晴空霹雳，她怎么也想不同，佛主竟然这样对她。几日来，她不吃不喝，穷究急思，灵魂就将出壳，生命危在旦夕。太子芝草知道了，急忙赶来，扑倒在床边，对奄奄一息的蛛儿说道：“那日，在后花园众姑娘中，我对你一见钟情，我苦求父皇，他才答应。如果你死了，那么我也就不活了。”说着就拿起了宝剑准备自刎。   
   就在这时，佛主来了，他对快要出壳的蛛儿灵魂说：“蜘蛛，你可曾想过，甘露（甘鹿）是由谁带到你这里来的呢？是风（长风公主）带来的，最后也是风将它带走的。甘鹿是属于长风公主的，他对你不过是生命中的一段插曲。而太子芝草是当年圆音寺门前的一棵小草，他看了你三千年，爱慕了你三千年，但你却从没有低下头看过它。蜘蛛，我再来问你，世间什么才是最珍贵的？”蜘蛛听了这些真相之后，好象一下子大彻大悟了，她对佛主说：“世间最珍贵的不是‘得不到’和‘已失去’，而是现在能把握的幸福。”刚说完，佛主就离开了，蛛儿的灵魂也回位了，睁开眼睛，看到正要自刎的太子芝草，她马上打落宝剑，和太子深深的抱在一起……   

 

突然有人问我，我们是不是朋友？

what is friend? like spirit, once u believe, once u trust, then it would be whatever u want it to be; if not, it can only be nothing.

I dun want always to be the one stupid

Keith, i m still thinking abt u, someone disappeared like never showed up

last time went Tarro reading, my card is a thinking monk, saying "sorrow"

it's already 3 months ago, shall i go again

 

i m bad, like bad, and will always stay bad.

只会失望，只会让别人失望

就静静地呆在壳里

什么都不要

 

2007年的中秋节，在漂泊的心还没有准备的时候又来了

已经是第二个见不到家人的中秋了

 

JASON问我，为什么还一直盼着中秋

只是一种习惯吧

到了那个时候，就会想起

看一下月亮是不是满的

月饼是不是圆的

家人都在不在身边

 

那些与家人在一起很简单很平淡的细节

已经成为了我们最奢侈的愿望

 

告诉小坠，不会过明天的中秋节

于是他告诉我“明天我陪你过”

怎么陪？

原谅我的浅薄

于是在久久的沉默之后，我只能说

谢谢

 

那些个节日，纪念

不过是另外一种思念

关于过去的思念

不过是今天的悲伤

  

感动，太容易

太容易让人失去辨别真假的能力

you already get too much to worry

所以我会尽我所能帮你

 

那些看不透的假象

那些触不到的真实

一切的所有

在最合适的时间出现

成全滥情

 

今天CATHY跟我讲，在我们这个年纪往往不知道珍惜

她这么大也只是交过一个真心的朋友而已

太多的困惑，太多的压抑

我不是只想做一个傻瓜而已

 

The moon is not full in Melbourne

The heart is not full in Melbourne

I miss my hometown

full of my memory

不知道那孩子是猜的，还是真的知道

竟然说从我的ESSAY里读出了我NEGATIVE ATTITUDE

虽然感谢他做的一切，但是明显是不能接受

希望还能做朋友吧

 

下午和弟弟聊语音，跟他讲没有麦，其实是家里有别人在，不好讲话啦，别怪我

和CATHY煮了一锅的杂烩菜，吃到撑

然后决定看GROUP WORK，然后我们都收到很多人的消息

然后就都开始聊天

再然后她走了，和另外室友ADEN一起看RUSH HOUR 3

DAMN IT，他竟然跟我说“将来如果你找不到工作的话，我一定请你当佣人”·#￥·￥#%#

难道会煮饭就一定要当佣人么

WHAT THE HELL~

 

晚上十一点半，想想也睡不着

拿出CATHY带回来的红酒面膜刚美美地擦上

听到钥匙在锁洞里转动的声音，CAROL回来了

WHILE不完全对

带回来一个“不速之客”--CLARK

 

消失了好久的小子又出现了

没有电话，没有短信，没有MSN

就那么消失了两个月

告诉我，只是等我过了八月的“桃花劫”才来见我

怕我牵怒于他~~~

WHAT THE FKEN LOGIC~~~

WHATEVER， 看在带月饼的份上，女王不跟你计较

 

小子要在我家算塔罗，问我八月的劫应了没，怎样过的

LOUISE 算得很准，不过就算知道了又怎么样，还不是一样避不过

所以，我决定下一次再也不会去花那四十块了

虽然我相信TARRO READING真的很灵

 

今天牙齿明显好转，疼痛也在逐渐消去

感觉又像回到了以前，也曾经有这样的一天晚上

同样的人，同样的地方，大家一起看007

WITH SOME TINY SUBTLE DIFFERENCE

 

不管怎样吧，希望明天会更好

今天去了KIM和知贤的家，双居室，白色系，很温暖的感觉。家里还收藏了很多香氛蜡烛，给人很浪漫很舒服的感觉。

MACY讲，今天是第一次在MEL有家的感觉

幸运如她，这只是她来的前三个月

而我已经过了畸形的一年又半载

 

身边的中国人在提起韩国人的时候，总是流露出不屑的眼光

可是，有没有发现

超市里帮女生扛大包小包的都是韩国新新好男人

CHINA TOWN里打架闹事的很多都是中国人

那些养尊处优的中国少爷小姐也越来越多地抱怨不快乐

 

也许我们都在追求的过程中忘记了最初我们想要的是什么

抱歉各位女性同胞，别骂我没骨气

我还是觉得传统的男主外，女主内比较幸福一点

还是觉得女生温柔一点，体贴一点比较可爱一点

 

从某种角度讲，不得不承认我们这些中国女孩子有些失败

争来争去，最后自己又留下了什么，得到了什么

人生真像一场戏一样。

 

 

 

She 's leaving tmr, gotta to spend  1 week myself

something 's missing without that lt. sparrow on side 

Have a good trip and take care 4 me

see u 1 week later